Marriage Burnout
Oh, the pain of marriage burnout. Ugh. Like the bride and groom, once passionate and connected, until the creeping distance slipped them into indifferent roommates. Or embattled adversaries.
For crying out loud, I was a hot mess for the first decade of Larry Dale’s and I’s marriage. I mean, I was clueless. And if LD were writing these words, he’d admit he was clueless too. Both of us were adept in what not to do from a lineage of marital dysfunction and divorce. But if two rag-tag marriage misfits can find their way back from the edge of marital extinction, so can you!
Marriage Burnout Symptoms
As you read through these relationship burnout symptoms, think of your own marriage. Is your relationship flourishing? Or slipping away?
- Boredom
- Loss of emotional intimacy
- Loss of physical intimacy
- Loss of connection
- No laughter
- Constant arguing
- Lack of care for one another
- Everything irritates you
- You bad-mouth them to your friends, coworkers, parents, etc.
- Stuck in the silent treatment cycle
- Nag. Nag. Nag.
- Conversations characterized by disrespect
- No listening – feeling misunderstood or invisible
- Secret keeping
- Confide in others
- Pretending all is well
- Living separate lives – spending no time together
Be Encouraged, There’s Hope!
Believe me, I know when you’re living in the loneliness and soul ache of marriage burnout, reflecting through a list of symptoms is like pouring rubbing alcohol on an open sore. I’m sorry for the pain. And at the same time, grateful you participated because waking up to where you are and taking responsibility are critical humble steps toward healing. So, bravo!
Like I said earlier, I was clueless for ten years. But then God gave me a tool I can’t wait to share with you. This one tool, when used with a willing heart, will absolutely usher in a season of transformation. OMGoodness, this one simple tool changed the trajectory of my life and proved key to rescuing our marriage. And my life as a mama too. As Dr. Seuss says, Oh, the places you’ll go! To learn more, click this link – 3 Simple Words to Save You From Relationship Burnout.
Moving Toward Intimacy
Some people say our greatest need is to be loved. But I would say our greatest need when it comes to intimacy in a relationship is to be known and still loved. Seen and still liked. Still chosen. Aah! That’s the good stuff! That’s when you know that you know, this love is real.
I also believe a lack of intimacy in a relationship can slowly, over time, lead to marriage burnout. Because here’s the thing, if we hide who we really are and choose not to live known and seen, we never experience real love. We can’t because we’re hiding who we really are, and we know it. Are you suffering from a lack of intimacy in your marriage? If so, I pray this encourages and inspires you to move toward intimacy – How to Grow Intimacy in a Relationship and Get What You Really Want.
Pray for Your Marriage
I believe God hears our prayers and responds to our prayers. I believe this because God rescued our marriage. And it all started with God teaching me the simple 3-word prayer I shared above. As I began to pray, I started having so much fun talking to God! And so, I decided to talk with him about all the longings in my heart. And so can you! When it comes to fighting in marriage, this is hands-down the single most powerful way to fight for your marriage. Talk with the One who brought you two together.
My friend, pray boldly and often. Pour out your heart. No need to filter a word or emotion. No need for elegant or lengthy prayers. Just talk to the Father. And ask for what you need. Ask for what you long for. Even for the things that seem impossible. And to help get you started, here are some of my favorite things to pray – 33 Bold Prayers for Marriages and Families.
Beloved, I remember the pain of marriage burnout. And so I’m fighting right alongside you, believing for breakthroughs. Believing for humble, willing, teachable hearts. Asking God to stir your affections for one another. To deliver and redeem. To restore and refresh. And to take what the enemy intended for destruction and turn it for good.
May the Lord bless you and keep you. Make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you. May the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. May his favor be upon you and your family, and your children, and their children, and their children. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
From my heart to yours…
